Photograph of Shadow taken by Cynthia Fain – June 2011

The years of my life have been illuminated by cats that found their way to me through magical and mysterious means. Each cat became the love and joy of my life. It seems they pass through our lives so quickly and leave a legacy of meaningful memories and love.

I began this blog post a few weeks before my beloved cat Shadow was put to sleep. The healing, magic and joy that he brought to my life will be forever with me. On a hot summer night, anguished cries rang out in our front parking lot. Running for the door, I felt my heart pounding, wondering what I would find.

Walking up the driveway, was an exhausted starving cat. His cries echoed with the sorrow of a cat that had wandered a long – dark road; meandering through an eternity where he would never find help. That night has never left my memory or heart. In all my years of rescuing cats I had never seen one that was more emotionally traumatized.

Shadow’s story unfolded in harmony with the celestial events of June 2011, when we were under the total lunar eclipse. Every day was another adventure as Shadow healed and regained strength. The sound of the cat food being opened, ignited Shadow into his mad dash to the big sunny bathroom where I always fed him. Everything he did had an exuberance to it, including his transformation to Jaws, when he playfully bit me through the blankets.

We had many adventures together, including when we lived in a hill top house in the Blue Ridge of Virginia. Brilliant visions of mountain tops, rainbows, misty mornings and running Shadow in the meadow on his harness, bring back touching memories. Another one of Shadow’s favorite explorations was to climb the small tree in front of a farmhouse we were renting in Charlottesville, Virginia. He was always on his harness when he conquered the tree, and when he got to the top he looked so elated at his great accomplishment.

In July 2024 – Shadow’s normally festive behavior, wilted into a depressed – listless corner. After several trips to the veterinarian, in mid-October, an ultra sound showed a tumor covering part of his bladder. I spent weeks sobbing and praying Shadow would be able to find healing and have some quality time left. I was hopeful that Shadow would live a few more months when he was placed on Piroxicam to help shrink the tumor, and anti-biotics for a urinary tract infection.

I also consulted a homeopathic veterinarian about Shadow’s case, and he prescribed a remedy to help with his healing. After adding the homeopathy to his medical plan, Shadow regained some of his appetite. Every day I looked for a sign of hope that he would make it through this difficult journey. Shadow took many ups and downs along the way. There were days when he showed strength and ate better, and then he would slip back into depression and lethargy.

Shadow always perked up for his daily time by the forest edge in our backyard where he would sit under the shade of the trees. The second I put him in his large green play pen his life force awakened as he heard the songs of the birds and felt the mountain air. In the morning he sat on the front porch as the early morning sun rose over the mountains.

The week of November 15th Shadow took a turn for the worse when he seemed withdrawn, unusually thin, and not eating well. I consulted an animal communicator on the evening of November 14th and she told me he was having discomfort urinating. She did not see him being able to make a comeback due to the extent of the tumor.

The morning of November 15th, 2024 was one of the hardest days of my life. Shadow was nauseated and I could tell he was ready to move on. Much needed rains had fallen the day and night before, leaving the earth fertile and green, after a long drought. The morning air beckoned us to explore the yard and give Shadow a final healing adventure.

Crying and holding Shadow I took him outside to feel the healing earth and visit all his favorite places. The spirit of the giant oak tree always brought us healing, and Shadow gently reached up and scratched the base of the tree. Our next stop was the little grove with pine trees and green grass where Shadow and I spent many an afternoon enjoying the summer.

After his time exploring the earth, I gently put Shadow into his pink carrier to go to the veterinarians to see if they agreed with me that it was best to put him to sleep.

When we arrived to the veterinarians office I felt like I was in a very sad dream. Our veterinarian came into the exam room holding back tears. She knew how hard we all fought to bring Shadow quality of life and healing. Choking up she said, “We never like to do this. I myself am dealing with a cat that is severely thin and in renal failure and am deciding what to do with her.”

We put Shadow on the scale and his weight was dangerously low at 4.7 pounds. We sadly agreed that it was best to put Shadow to sleep based on his poor prognosis and quality of life. I sobbed and held Shadow next to me. No more powerful expression has ever been felt then when he put his paws around my neck and clung to me. Finding that most humane time to put your companion animal to sleep is one of the hardest decisions any of us will ever make.

There are no words to describe how I felt seeing Shadow for the last time. I left that day and still feel his presence with me. My cat Serena misses him terribly and she cries for him and looks for him in his carrier. The memories of the night he came crying to me, as well as our fun journeys will be forever with me.

Shadow you were loved more then you will ever know – a soul mate indeed. May we meet again!

Copyright – Cynthia Fain – December 7, 2024